Friday, April 30, 2021 -

The Sexist Goose

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As far back as I can remember, my grandmother has always had a great love for animals and always had a lot of them. As I was growing up, she had chickens, ducks, geese, dogs, and cats. There was, however, one particular animal she owned at one time that I will never forget. When I was in first and second grade, my grandmother owned a big white house with green shutters. It was back in the woods, and right next to the river. Across the lawn from it was a smaller house which was where my mother, my father and I lived. Since we were living on my grandmother's property, we had to put up with the animals that she had to.


One morning I was walking across the lawn from my grandmother's house to mine and it happened. I heard a loud honk. When I turned, there was Henry charging toward me, neck down and beak forward ready to attack. I immediately increased my pace from a nice steady walk to a "run like hell" tempo. I made it to the ramp and he was close behind. He began following me up the ramp, but I made it through the door and was safe. From that day forth I always kept a stick by the door so that whenever I made my venture across the lawn I could protect myself if I needed to.


I was not the only one who Henry liked to assault. He would go after my mother and my friends as well. He didn't go after my grandmother anymore. The one time he dared to, she taught him a lesson. She grabbed him by the neck and scolded him, and he never bothered her again. I eventually noticed a pattern in this goose's frequent attacks. He only chased after females. He never attacked my father. He loved my father. When my father would sit out on our front porch, Henry would always walk up the steps just so my father could pet him.


I hated that stupid sexist goose because he would single me out and other members of the female sex. He would always ruin my day. One day, though, an event happened that I thought would change all of our lives. My mother was driving down the driveway in the truck just minding her own business. All of a sudden there he was charging toward the truck. My mother slowed down but kept driving. She was hoping it would scare him and he would move out of the way. That was not the case. He kept on running right toward the truck in an attack position and then BOOM! There was a head on collision between Henry and the truck.


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Well, I was quite happy when I found out what happened, but also disappointed when I found out he survived the accident. He did go blind, however, and could no longer chase us. I guess there was some positive outcome of this incident.


A few months went by and life was great without having to worry about being pecked to death every time I would walk outside. I thought my troubles and conflicts with that dumb bird were over, but I was wrong. Henry gained his sight back! He immediately began to pursue and attack us all again.


Eventually we sold the house and the people who bought it took the animals along with it. I was finally rid of that vexing creature. Even after all of our experiences with this goose that did not stop my grandmother from starting over again in her new home. She again got geese, ducks, and chickens and those geese were just as mean as Henry had been. I still hate geese to this day.


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